


Time's Journey

by Jaina



Series: Journey [2]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2003-06-28
Updated: 2003-06-28
Packaged: 2017-11-05 05:50:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/403107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaina/pseuds/Jaina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After returning to the Alpha quadrant Voyager is assigned to explore the Gamman Quadrant, where Kathryn Janeway will find mystery, adventure, and things she never imagined.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Kathryn Janeway sighed and paced her ready room. Today's shift was passing by with terrible slowness. The monotony of the past few days was beginning to get to her. After a brief but boring tour of duty in the Alpha Quadrant, Voyager and her crew had been assigned to lead the exploratory mission to the Gamma Quadrant. It was their duty to follow up on the findings and contacts started by Commander Elias Vaughn of Deep Space Nine.

It had been an eerie sense of de ja vu for some of Voyager's original Starfleet crew, when they had departed from Deep Space 9. Kathryn hoped that it wouldn't prove to be a bad omen of some sort. Pulling off one impossible feat in a lifetime was more than enough for her. She laughed, wishing Chakotay could hear her thoughts. He had always maintained that she thrived on, and strived for the, impossible. If nothing else had come from Voyager's seven year journey, though, she was overjoyed with her relationship with her former first officer.

They hadn't thought Starfleet would approve of or allow their marriage, especially with Chakotay's background and some of her own questionable decisions, reflected on their records. However, with Kathryn's promotion to the admiralty and her heroine status, Starfleet had allowed it, especially after the marriage of the Captain and first officer of the Titan, Will Riker and Deanna Troi had set a precedence.

They had been overjoyed. Ending their personal relationship for their careers had not even been an option; Kathryn had been fully prepared to leave Starfleet if it was necessary. She had spent seven years in the Delta Quadrant trying to deny her feelings for the sake of her Voyager family, but she refused to allow it to interfere any longer.

Her reflective musing was interrupted as her comm. badge chirped at her. "Bridge to Admiral Janeway."

Tapping her comm. badge swiftly and reflexively she replied, "Janeway here." She had yet to grow accustomed to her new rank. Whenever someone referred to Admiral Janeway she still looked over her shoulder for her father.

"Admiral," said Chakotay, "I thought you'd like to know that we've just received a planetary distress signal."

Well she had hoped for something happier to occupy her, but this would do. "Thank you, Captain," she answered formally, "Janeway out." She walked energetically onto the bridge, scanning the familiar faces of her senior officers as she walked down to the center chair. Glancing between Chakotay and Tuvok she said, "Report."

"We were cruising at full impulse, Admiral," Chakotay said formally, "to investigate an unusual binary star system, when we received this distress call." Glancing up at opps., where Harry stood, he said easily, "Play it please, Lt. Kim."

"Yes, Captain," he replied, manipulating his console to comply. The crew had yet to adjust to their new captain, not that they disliked Chakotay as Captain, but they were too ingrained in saying, "Yes, Captain," to easily revert to "Yes sir." It was an easy way to tell members of Voyager's old combined crew from the new Starfleet additions.

The neutral voice of the universal translator flooded the bridge as the picture of a humanoid with large gray eyes and vaguely reptilian features appeared on the view screen. "I am Otel, representative of a benevolent race. We call ourselves the Iapha."

"Seems a little chatty for a distress call," muttered Tom from his post at the helm. She ignored his comment as she continued to listen.

"Our world of peace and unity is being torn apart by rebelling dissidents. We call upon the civilized races of the galaxy to come to our aid. We seek a neutral third party to act as mediators. We aren't a rich race, but we offer the hospitality or our world and our eternal favor. Please," and even in the being's alien eyes, Kathryn could see his desperation, "help our world. Do not leave us to a violent end."

The Admiral leaned back thoughtfully in her chair as the recorded message flickered off. Still looking thoughtful she glanced up at Tom, "Distance to the Iaphan planet, Mr. Paris?"

"Twelve standard hours at warp five, C_Admiral."

"Continue on course, Tom," she said ignoring his slip and rising out of her seat. "Tuvok, you have the bridge, Captain?"

Chakotay had already risen and was following her easily into the ready room. Turning to face Chakotay, once the doors slid shut, she asked, "What do you think Chakotay?" There were few people's opinions that she valued like Chakotay's. He was her husband and her best friend, but he had been her first officer much longer and his judgment had proven to be wise and intuitive through the years.

"It could be a genuine cry for help, an advanced race seeking outside help to take care of its own problems."

"But," said Kathryn, "It could also be a trap. In a violent quadrant like this one, showing weakness can be fatal. They could be luring us in to capture us."

"This isn't the Delta Quadrant, Kathryn," he said dropping the formality in private, "Voyager doesn't have a reputation to precede it and races seeking revenge for supposed misdeeds... yet. What reason would they have for trapping us?" He asked logically.

It was one of the best things about their relationship, the ability to examine a problem from all angles. "I can't walk away from a situation where we could have helped, possibly even saving lives from what the being said."

Chakotay smiled and she realized he had known what her decision would be the entire time. She shot a venomless version of her death glare at Chakotay and marched past him back out to the bridge. Sometimes she hated the fact that he knew her so well, at times it seemed that he knew her better than she knew herself. "Mr. Paris, set course for the Iaphan planet, Warp five."

_

Chakotay walked slowly down the long corridor towards the quarters he shared with Kathryn. He hadn't envied Kathryn's position as Captain and had in fact almost turned down the promotion until he realized the opportunities it presented. It had been a hard won and controversial promotion though, pulled off by some of the most powerful of Starfleet's Admirals in an effort not to loose his wife, their newest golden girl.

The hassles he was facing now as the captain made him wish he hadn't accepted it at all. He had managed to convince Kathryn to take some time off before they reached Iapha Prime, while he finished up the details of the mission. Now that he was finally done, they had a comfortable dinner and_

Something slammed into him with considerable momentum, throwing him out of his thoughts as he took a step back to get his balance. He looked up quickly and wasn't terribly surprised when he saw the nine year old, blonde half-Ktarian girl sprawled on the floor in front of him.

"Naomi," he questioned, "Are you all right?" He crouched down next to the girl and offered her a hand to help her up.

"I'm sorry, Captain," the little girl said quickly.

"It's okay, Naomi," he said soothingly, as he looked more closely at her. It had been almost two years since he had seen her. Samantha Wildman had easily decided to stay aboard Voyager, but she had left Naomi with her husband up until this mission. It was of a more long term nature and despite the possible dangers of the mission, Sam had decided to bring Naomi with her because she didn't want to spend a long time away from her daughter.

It was clear though, that Naomi thrived on starships and Chakotay was sure that like her mentor, Admiral Janeway, she would never be content with settling down on a planet for a long period of time. She had traveled too far and seen too many things in her young life, more than most adult beings experienced in lifetimes, to be content to give up life among the stars.

However, at that particular moment, Chakotay thought, a planet would have suited Naomi better than sprinting through the corridors of a starship. "Naomi," he said with a hint of rebuke in his voice, "You know better than to run through the corridors. Save it for the holodeck, okay?"

"Yes, Captain," she said meekly, but Chakotay could almost see the girl's agitation return.

"Okay, you can go, Naomi," he said, knowing she was probably late for something, "but don't be late for our lessons tomorrow afternoon."

"Yes, Captain," she repeated as she quickly started walking away.

Chakotay hid a smile as he resumed walking. Naomi would be running again by the time she hit the next corridor. Finally he stopped in front of his shared quarters and punched in his personal access codes. Looking around for Kathryn, he saw her curled up on the couch, a cup of coffee in one hand and a padd in the other.

"Have you already eaten," he asked rhetorically. If nothing else Kathryn Janeway was notorious for the fact that she didn't take care of herself, a typical dedicated Starfleet Captain.

To Chakotay's surprise she said, "I wasn't sure when you would be back and I was hungry so I went ahead. The replicator's waiting for your command. It's programmed for your favorite."

Warily Chakotay walked towards the replicator, something was the matter, here. That something had to do with his wife, Kathryn was never this domestic-well programming a replicator wasn't exactly domestic but for Kathryn it was- and when she acted like this something was troubling her.

Waiting until his meal appeared, he was rather hungry after all, he walked over to Kathryn and sat down next to her on the sofa. She looked up from her padd and suddenly smiled at him brilliantly. All thoughts of his food disappeared as she leaned in to kiss him.

Her melancholy returned though, as they pulled apart. Putting a bite of food in his mouth, Chakotay took advantage of the moment of silence to study her. To the untrained eye, she looked fine, but after nine years, Chakotay could read her better than that. The little crow's feet at her temple that only showed up when she was tense and the tired look in her eyes suggested that she had a headache, was most likely tense and worried, probably about the upcoming mission.

Laying a hand on her shoulder gently, he waited until she looked up. "What's the matter, Kathryn?" He gently began massaging her tension filled shoulders as she considered her answer. He could feel her begin to relax as the tension melted out of her muscles.

"I'm worried about this mission, Chakotay," she said as she snuggled closer to him. Kathryn Janeway might be a fiercely independent and capable woman, but he was her strength and her support.

"What about this situation is worrying you so much? We've negotiated situations a hundred times worse and lived to tell the tale. You're the only person in the galaxy that's gotten the best of a deal with the Borg and eventually brought them to their knees. Kathryn, you can do this. I and the rest of Voyager's crew," he added with confidence, "are all behind you. This is nothing compared to traveling 70,000 light-years in seven years."

She looked up at him, a half smile flickering across her face as she held a hand up to affectionately caress his cheek. "What would I do without you," she asked rhetorically. "I love you," she murmured as they closed the distance between them with a kiss.

_

The next morning she was the confident and in control Admiral that everyone expected, her inner demons once again beaten back. She held a briefing only hours before they would reach the planet. The task force that she led included five other starships. At the moment only two of the ships were with Voyager, the other three were away dealing with trade negotiations, scientific phenomena and first contacts. The other two captains, however were included in the briefing as well as Voyager's senior staff.

"Captain L'prock, Captain Elster, welcome aboard Voyager." She greeted the middle aged Vulcan woman appropriately and then offered her hand to the other captain. "You know Captain Chakotay," she said instinctively gesturing to her left where she knew he would be. "Lt. Commander Tuvok, the first officer. B'Elanna Torres my Chief engineer and Tom Paris, my helmsman. Harry Kim at opps." She looked around the room, finally finding Seven. "This is my specialist Seven of Nine. The Doctor won't be joining us today. Please have a seat," she finished gesturing to the seats around the conference table.

Once everyone was seated, she turned to look at Harry and Seven. At her orders they had compiled a presentation on the Iaphans. "What have you found," she asked.

Harry rose and flipped on the screen where a picture flickered to life. "The Iaphans are reptilian like species of humanoids who haven't ventured into space despite having the technology to do so. They possess the knowledge for warp flight, but they resist putting it to use. As far as we can tell they see no need for new technologies. They're content where they are and see no need to venture off their world."

"However, their culture has recently been under going internal turmoil," continued Seven where Harry stopped. "A faction of dissidents has arisen that claims the government is not as benevolent as they seem. The dissidents have been rebelling against the government, violently. They have neither the knowledge nor the inclination to resist. It appears to be a legitimate call for aid."

"Thank you, Seven, Harry." She turned back to the others. "Captains L'Prock, Elster, I will be leading the negotiations and the first contact mission to the planet. Captain Chakotay, Lt. Paris and a security team will accompany me. I'm leaving Commander Tuvok in charge of Voyager while we're down on the planet. I would like you Captain L'Prock to remain in high orbit around the planet in case these beings aren't as benevolent as they seem. Captain Elster, for the same reason, I would like your ship to take up a position in the outer solar system."

"Yes, Admiral," replied Elster and to her surprise the Vulcan captain didn't have any objections either.

"Very well," she said, "if no one else has any questions, shall we return to our posts?" Question though it may have seemed to be, it was taken as the order it was meant to be.

_

Three hours later, the transporter released them into a momentary haze that temporarily obscured their first impressions of the Iaphan world. When it cleared though, Kathryn wasn't surprised to hear Chakotay's gasp of shock. Her husband was a deeply spiritual man with great respect and appreciation for nature. For him the surprising natural beauty of Iapha would be an intoxicating experience. She made a mental note to inquire about possible shore leave for her crew. They would love this planet and it would be an excellent place to spend time with Chakotay. A picnic, maybe...

She pushed that and all other extraneous thoughts aside to focus on the mission in front of her. She sized up the alien beings that made up the delegation that approached them. The species average height seemed to be from what she could tell, quite impressive. No doubt it would have intimidated another person of her stature, but she had learned long ago not to judge an unfamiliar species by their appearance or allow them to intimidate her.

"I'm Admiral Kathryn Janeway and this is the Captain of my starship, Chakotay. We came in response to the distress call this planet issued."

The Iaphan, when he spoke had a low, soothing melodic voice that strangely intrigued her. "We thank you for your presence on our world. On my people's behalf let me welcome you."

The being, who soon introduced himself as the first minister of the planet continued his welcome/thank you speech, but she noticed as he spoke his eyestalks constantly drifted towards Chakotay. It wasn't unusual for people to stare at him, in her experience. He was a striking man, but there was something else in this being's gaze, something that worried Kathryn beyond any logical possibility and made her want to beam back up to Voyager and get as far away from the planet as possible.

She dismissed the feeling though as they were led into a large conference room which was cordoned off into two obvious sections. Although the groups of Iaphans weren't visually distinct from one another, the edgy tension in the room separated them easily.

Kathryn stifled an internal groan. This was shaping up into a headache inducing mission, despite the promise of the beautiful locale. Taking a central seat at the enormous table with Chakotay sitting beside her, she launched into what would turn into endless hours of discussion. No matter how much she heard, though she couldn't shake her feelings of unease concerning these people and this place.

_

Later that night, when they returned to their quarters, their usual conversation was mixed with talk of the day's negotiations. Walking to the replicator, she ordered herself her usual black coffee.

"Do you want something," she asked Chakotay as he walked by.

"Just some of Tuvok's Vulcan tea, please." The Iaphans offered hospitality had been genuine and the feast quite elaborate.

"Vulcan tea #28 with honey," she added knowing from experience how he liked his tea. She set it beside him as she walked over to the couch.

Settling down on it, Kathryn took a sip of her coffee and reached down to pull off the boots she always wore and sometimes despised. "What did you think of the situation," she asked, seeking his opinion.

"I think as a whole they're a peaceful people, but the government is led by a few corrupt individuals."

She stopped massaging her feet and looked up in surprise. It was rare that Chakotay's intuitive assessment of a situation differed so radically from her own. Usually it was what needed to be done about the situation that brought about their disagreements.

Chakotay had finally looked up from what he was working on, noticing after a moment Kathryn's silence. "What did you think, Kathryn?" He asked with a mocking edge in his voice that shocked her.

It was a tone of voice that she would much more readily expect from her fiery Klingon Chief Engineer. But not even B'Elanna had spoken to her with such a malicious edge in years. Something had to be bothering Chakotay more than she had noticed, or he had cared to admit. That in itself was unusual though. After seven years of lying about their feelings for one another and the consequences it had brought, the couple shared emotions and problems quickly so they wouldn't linger and become festering resentments.

"What's the matter, Chakotay?" She asked quietly, walking up behind him and wrapping her arms around him. To her further surprise, he stiffened at her touch and stepped out of her embrace.

"Something has to be the matter with me, if I disagree with you, Kathryn?" He demanded icily, his voice rising with anger as he spoke.

She took a step back. This conversation was taking a quick turn into an argument and if there was anyone who could ignite her temper, it was Chakotay. Tonight, though, she wasn't interested in fighting, especially with Chakotay. In fact, she had hoped to spend the evening curled up in his comforting, loving arms, making up for lost time.

She sighed and turned to walk away, "We can talk later, Chakotay, when we've calmed down. I don't want to argue about this." Her head jerked up in anger though, when she felt him grab her arm none too gently to stop her from leaving.

"I'm not arguing about this, Kathryn. I should have known better than to tell you what I thought. I should have known you wouldn't listen. You've never cared about rebellions."

Glaring at him, she snapped, "How dare you. You know that's not true." It had been a long day and her patience was gone. "Besides," she added, "are you sure those aren't your Maquis sympathies talking."

He laughed bitterly, "And here I thought you trusted my judgment, Kathryn. I guess I should have known better."

Now she was really getting angry. It was one of the few down sides to knowing someone so well, knowing the exact things to say to totally infuriate them. "That's never been an issue, from when we first met. I made you my first officer almost immediately."

"Is that why you were always trusting Tuvok more than me, then? I seem to recall several incidents when that happened."

"Of course, I trust you, Chakotay," she said with exhaustion. "This is your problem. You seem to take offense at every little thing I say tonight."

"If you don't know what my problem is Kathryn, maybe you don't know me as well as you thought."

It was spoken with a deliberate cruelty that she had never seen in Chakotay before, especially directed at her. This whole conversation had gone so badly and she was baffled by his arguments and totally surprised by his uncharacteristic actions.

"You know what Chakotay, maybe you're right." Kathryn knew she should stop talking now, before the pain she was feeling made her say something she didn't mean and would regret later, but she just couldn't seem to stop talking. "If I'm so wrong about you maybe you should just leave. Go find one of your blonde bimbos."

It was a low blow and she knew it. The moment she said it, she wished she had never even thought it, but it was too late. She watched horrified at herself as his face contorted in anger. Everything around her seemed horribly slow and detached as Chakotay stepped forward, his arm raised. As it fell towards her, she didn't flinch or even move away. Chakotay had never laid a hand on her that way. He simply wasn't that kind of man. No matter how angry he was he would never do something like that. She trusted him implicitly.

His hand froze a centimeter from her face. "Spirits, Kathryn."

She could see his whole body shaking and the horrified look of self- loathing on his face. He reached one shaky hand up to caress her cheek. "I'm so sorry, Kathryn." He murmured and then fled from their quarters.

"Chakotay," she called out finally, released from her frozen shock, but it was too late, her husband was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

Bits of flying food, growls or exclamation of frustration and annoyance and the sounds of an unhappy almost toddler and the rushed blur of two Starfleet officers running later for their respective duty shifts, melded together to form the chaos that was only barely recognizable as the Paris/Torres quarters.

"Honey, have you seen my other pip?"

"Check on the dresser, Tom. No, Miral, don't throw that."

Ten minutes later a squirming Miral was held firmly in her mother's arms, fully dressed, no longer covered in food and ready to be delivered to the sitter on B'Elanna's way to Engineering. It was probably fortunate, though, that they weren't currently residing in Starfleet Academy dorms, because their quarters would have failed every regulation in the book and a few that hadn't even been created yet. However, that didn't stop Tom from giving his wife a quick kiss and exchanging hurried, but heartfelt, "I love you's," with her before they went in separate directions to head to their respective duty stations.

When he entered the turbolift, Tom took a deep breath and slumped against the wall. His daughter could be an exhausting handful at times, but he still adored her and cherished every moment he spent with her. Still, it was nice to have a break now and then. He straightened up, starting to think ahead to the day's duties as the turbolift slowed to a stop. There wouldn't be much for him to do today. It would be mostly station keeping duty, unless he was ordered to fly a shuttle down to the surface for some reason, or if there was trouble.

The first option didn't really sound bad, but the second wasn't really appealing. It was an excitement he had once sought. Now he would face it when he had to, but he no longer searched for it.

Tom tensed as he exited the turbolift and walked towards his post, expecting a reprimand or at least a remark on his tardiness. None came. The Admiral, sitting in the center chair with Chakotay's seat noticeably absent, barely even nodded at him as he took his seat.

Once Tom was seated at his post and had reviewed the readouts on his console, he noticed the tension on the bridge. What was the old expression, "You could hear a pin drop a mile away." The silence was thick and unyielding and not even Tom was willing to break it.

The daily shipboard tasks were carried out efficiently, but with unusual solemnity. If Tom hadn't know better, he would have thought some sort of catastrophic accident had occurred aboard Voyager.

Three painfully long hours later, Admiral Janeway rose out of her seat and finally broke the silence. "Mr. Paris are we still in transporter range of the Iaphan Capital?"

It was said with all of the right words and inflections, but even a green cadet would have known that something was wrong. Tom Paris, however was no green cadet and he certainly had a good idea about what was wrong with the Admiral. Chakotay. It was always Chakotay. Voyager's captain was conspicuous by his absence. Still there was nothing he could do about it, not yet anyway. For now he would simply do his duty. However, when and if the Admiral needed him or any other member of the crew, they would be there.

_

Kathryn Janeway nodded slightly and said, "Thank you, Tom," after he responded to her question. She turned to look at the tactical console and said steadily, "Would you join me in my ready room, Commander Tuvok?"

She started walking without looking back. This morning had not gone well. She had spent most of the night pacing her quarters in shock and disbelief at what Chakotay had done..started to do. Out of pure exhaustion, she had finally fallen asleep on the couch in their quarters a few hours before she was scheduled to go on duty.

This morning she had woken up sore, aching and worried about Chakotay. She hadn't heard from him since the night before and he hadn't reported for duty that morning. That wasn't like him at all. She needed Chakotay now, though, ignoring even her personal reasons, he had been the one that was supposed to conduct the morning's negotiations which would start in an hour.

She would be tied up in a videoconference with several members of the admiralty that she couldn't miss. The bureaucracy of the Alpha Quadrant was one thing she had not missed while she was in the Delta Quadrant. She had already postponed the meeting twice, though and they wouldn't let her reschedule again.

That left Tuvok as the logical choice for negotiator and perhaps his coldly logical views would be just what both sides needed. At least she hoped it was, she already had enough to worry about. She took a seat behind her desk and let some of her worry and other emotions show on her face. Tuvok was her friend. He had seen her at her best and her worst. Showing a little emotion in front of him was okay.

Tiredly she waved him towards the other seat in front of her desk. She waited until he was seated and then asked, "Have you seen Captain Chakotay today, Tuvok?"

The question was asked softly but it was painful. She wasn't sure how she felt about what had happened last night, but she was definitely starting to seriously worry about Chakotay.

"No, Admiral," Tuvok said calmly, "Was I supposed to have a meeting with the Captain?"

"No," she dismissed that question easily. "No, it's nothing. I just need you to conduct the negotiations today." She knew Tuvok was studying her and analyzing everything, however, the negotiations had to continue no matter what was happening in her personal life.

"Yes, Admiral," he answered simply, and she could tell that he didn't find her orders entirely logical, but he agreed nonetheless, not fishing for information like some of the members of her crew would have.

"Thank you, Tuvok," she said genuinely, but with an air of dismissal. Her former security chief exited with his usual measured strides, leaving her alone with her thoughts. She tossed the idea of having the computer locate Chakotay back and forth in her mind, but she remained silent. Last night was not the first time they had argued and it wasn't the worst argument they had ever had by far.

The time she had confined Chakotay to his quarters during the Equinox incident, came to mind immediately, and more recently the argument that had led to Chakotay taking the position of first officer on another ship because of their disagreement over changing the nature of their relationship. But despite all of the passion and fury of their past arguments, Chakotay had never shown any violent tendencies.

As a Starfleet Officer, Chakotay was capable of doing whatever was necessary in dangerous situations, but he didn't seek out violence. It simply wasn't his nature, unless he was defending the people he cared about. That was what was worrying her so much. She had been so shocked last night that the thought of being frightened by him hadn't even crossed her mind and even now, it still didn't.

The main thing she need now was understanding. Unfortunately it would to have to wait, because once again the needs of running a starship had to come before her own. As if on cue, Harry's voice broke the silence of her ready room.

"Admiral, there's a secure message for you coming in for you from Starfleet Command."

"Thank you, Harry," she said easily, years of practice allowing her to keep her emotions from her voice, "Go ahead and put them through."

She used the moment that it took Harry to transfer the message to compose her expression and focus her thoughts on the meeting and not the man who had been occupying her mind since the night before.

_

Three quarters of the way through the day shift, the bridge crew had become filled with tension. Chakotay's absence and the Admiral's mood were both easily notable facts and Tom could practically hear the young ensigns at the back of the bridge shifting nervously. Deciding to do a little investigating of his own, Tom used his helm console to send a brief message down to B'Elanna in Engineering.

He was a bit surprised when after a moment his wife still hadn't responded to his message. Tom didn't think Engineering would be that busy today. His original assumption was probed true when, a moment later, B'Elanna stepped off of the turbolift.

The look on her face seemed a bit shaken, especially for the usually unshakable Klingon Engineer. If Tom hadn't been on duty he would have been at her side in an instant, as it was he shot her a reassuring smile and listened intently as she spoke.

She approached the Admiral and Tom hoped that whatever his wife had to say, it would brighten her mood. "Admiral," she asked quietly, "M-may I speak to you for just a moment, in private."

Admiral Janeway seemed a bit puzzled by B'Elanna's request but nodded, trusting her Chief Engineer enough to grant her slightly unusual request. "Certainly, Lieutenant," she rose and gestured in front of her, "We can talk in my ready room."

"Thank you, Admiral."

The Admiral took her seat behind her desk and said easily, "Have a seat, B'Elanna."

B'Elanna didn't disagree or even comment, she simply sat. To her surprise B'Elanna wasn't speaking, instead she appeared to be nervous.

Kathryn wracked her brain for what could be bothering her Chief Engineer. She was even more out of touch with the lives of her crew now. She usually liked to blame her promotion for that because she was busier now than ever before. Chakotay usually filled her in on what she needed to know. Still she couldn't think of anything that could be affecting B'Elanna this much, unless something was wrong with Tom or their daughter.

"B'Elanna," she said gently, "is everything okay between you and Tom?"

B'Elanna looked up sharply and to her relief Kathryn could see from the look on her face that, that wasn't the problem.

", Admiral, no that not it at all. I, uh, just heard something this morning that I thought you should be informed of."

Kathryn nodded in encouragement for her to continue.

"I went to check on Miral during my lunch break. Sam wasn't on duty for this shift and she offered to watch her," she explained. "I noticed that Naomi was home, as well, not attending her lessons."

"Is Naomi okay?" The Admiral asked with genuine concern. As the first and only child on Voyager for almost seven years, the half-Ktarian, half-human girl held a special place in her heart.

"Sort of," B'Elanna answered, clearly uncomfortable with the subject, "I asked Sam if everything was okay and she told me that she had found Naomi in tears when she came back to their quarters the night before, but Naomi wouldn't tell her what was wrong. She was fine this morning until Sam told her it was time to go to her lessons and then she started to cry again."

Kathryn was confused and uncertain as to where this was going, but worried about Naomi. It was unlike the normally cheerful girl to simply break into tears. By this point in her story, B'Elanna was looking highly uncomfortable and focusing her eyes on a spot to the left of her. It was unusual for the normally straightforward, B'Elanna.

"Naomi finally told Sam that when she was doing her lessons last night with Chakotay, he had gotten furious and exploded at her in anger. Naomi said he started yelling at her, calling her stupid and telling her it would be better for everyone if she just wasn't born and that all she ever did was waste his time and everyone else's." B'Elanna's voice was so soft that Kathryn could barely hear her, so lost in her horror and worry. She didn't think that Naomi had lied, but she simply couldn't believe it.

"Admiral," B'Elanna cut into her thoughts, "I've seen Chakotay snap a Cardassian's neck with his bare hands, but he wouldn't do that, not to Naomi."

"B'Elanna," she started slowly, her mind still reeling and clueless as to what to say to her Chief Engineer. Taking a different tactic, she changed her mind in mid sentence. "Computer," she said worried about more than just Chakotay's privacy at the moment. She wanted answers. Most of all she wanted her husband to tell her that everything was okay. Before she could ask for his location, though, Tom's voice interrupted her.

\- -

Tom's distraction with his wife's sudden appearance on the bridge and her strange request wasn't enough that he didn't catch the disturbance down on the planet a mere nanosecond after Mike Ayala at tactical. "Paris to Janeway. Admiral I'm picking up phaser fire down on the planet."

She didn't reply, but the ready room doors hissed open and the Admiral strode quicky but calmly onto the bridge followed quickly by B'Elanna. "Where is the phaser fire coming from, Mr. Ayala?" She questioned as she turned to face Harry. "Patch me through to Commander Tuvok."

Harry was the first to respond, "Admiral, an atmospheric disturbance is distorting the comm. signal. I'm trying to boost it, but it's not improving noticeably."

She nodded, "Keep trying, Harry."

"Admiral...away team...attack..immediate transport."

"I'm sorry. That's the best that I can do."

"It's all right, Lieutenant Kim. Can you get a lock on the away team? I want them out of there, now."

After a few more seconds of intense concentration on Harry's part, he only had more bad news. "Admiral somehow the transporters can't seem to get a lock on them. It's as if the members of the away team are too...slippery, for lack of a better word and I can't get a safe lock on any of them."

B'Elanna stepped over to Harry quickly. "Let me look at it, Starfleet. Maybe I can figure out something."

"Be my guest, Maquis," He shot back, waving her towards his console.

Kathryn nodded, already thinking, "Keep working with Harry, B'Elanna. See if you two can come up with anything. The moment that you manage to get a lock on them, beam up all Starfleet personnel." She turned towards the tactical station, "Is there still laser fire down on the surface," she asked Mr. Ayala.

"Yes, Ma'am, I have readings specific to Starfleet issue phasers and another distinct set of energy signatures."

"Thank you, Mr. Ayala." She ceased her pacing abruptly. "Mr. Paris you're with me. Lieutenant Ayala send a security detail down to the Delta Flyer." She glanced around the bridge and abruptly realized that with the exception of B'Elanna who was busy at work on the transporters, Harry was the last of her senior officers on board. "Harry you have the bridge." She looked at him steadily, "If Voyager is threatened, retreat back out of range. Hail the other Captains and explain the situation if I haven't contacted you in an hour."

Harry nodded, "Yes Ma'am."

She could see the slightest bit of uncertainty in his eyes. It wasn't everyday that he was left in charge of Voyager in a potentially dangerous situation. Still he wasn't the green Ensign of seven years ago. He had changed, grown and matured. Above all she trusted him to do the right thing, to come through when he needed to.

* * *

Moments later Kathryn Janeway sat beside Tom Paris in the copilot's seat of the Delta Flyer as he flew through the atmosphere. As he flew deftly towards the away team, Tom turned his conversation to the Admiral. "Admiral," he said softly, quietly enough that none of the others could hear him. "Captains aren't supposed to lead away teams and Admiral's definitely aren't supposed to."

She looked searchingly at Tom, "And what are you going to do about that, Mr. Paris." He shrugged, and then looked back down at his console to make a quick course correction, "I just thought I'd state it for the record. I don't think I can change your mind."

"Thank you, Tom."

He nodded. The Delta Flyer was landed near enough to the away team to be within easy running distance, but far enough away not to hit by the phaser fire.

Tom winced as he heard the phaser fire. He would willingly follow Kathryn Janeway anywhere and he had followed her into much worse situations in the past and come out of them unscathed. Still the birth of his daughter had taken away some of his careless abandon and replaced it with greater concern for his own safety.

One of the security officer's already had his tricorder drawn when they exited the 'Flyer. "Admiral, I've located the away team. They're in the building where the negotiations were being conducted. It's a little under two kilometers from here."

She nodded checked the settings on her phaser and said, "Well let's go. I believe we have an away team to rescue."

Tom managed a smile and he heard a few nervous chuckles from the members of the security team. He knew the Admiral had been slightly off center for most of the day. It was good to see the return of the Kathryn Janeway he was familiar with, no matter how bad the circumstances looked.

After they had jogged through the terrain and the moved through the outskirts of the city the sound of distant phaser fire became more apparent and to his surprise Tom heard a crackle of static emit from his comm. badge. On impulse he tapped it. "Paris to Tuvok."

As he had hoped, he heard Tuvok reply. "Tuvok here, Mr. Paris. I was usure whether Voyager received our message. We are currently under attack."

By that time, of course, the Admiral had heard the conversation. "Ask him what the situation is, Tom." She said pausing their rush to their destination for a moment.

"The negotiations deteriorated considerably before a large armed group of the dissidents charged the compound. We fell back to protect our own personnel. We were considerably outnumbered so we were unable to help the Iaphans."

"How many dissidents are there, Tuvok?" asked the Admrial quickly.

"We were unable to determine that exactly, but I would estimate that there are between twenty and fifty beings involved."

She nodded even though, she knew he couldn't see her, and gestured for the security team to start moving again. "Tuvok," she inquired as they ran on, "Do you have any suggestions about the situation?" Her former security chief and current first officer didn't disappoint her.

"The most logical approach would be to attack the dissidents from behind them, where they are not expecting it. This should provide a sufficient distraction to allow the Iaphans and the away team to escape, for the moment until we can regroup."

"Okay, Commander Tuvok, we'll execute your plan. We should be starting your diversion in a matter of moments." She nodded to Tom that she was done and he said, "Paris out," and cut the connection.

The building was already in sight and Tom noted happily that the Iaphan's heavy natural landscaping was beneficial to them. Now they could not only hear the phaser fire, but they could see the aliens and the flicker of phaser fire. Like the well trained team that they were, the security team spread out and on the Admiral's signal began to fire at the unsuspecting dissidents.

For the moment everyone, Tom included, had their phaser's set on stun and accuordingly made quick, but non-lethal work of the first few aliens with surprise on their side. Once they realized what was happening to their comrades, it was a different story and the Iaphans soon filled the air with their returning fire.

Suddenly the battle required much more of Tom's attention as he stood beside the Admiral, making it his personal responsibility to watch out for her safety. The Iaphans, although they weren't as well trained, did significantly outnumber the small security team. Tom was only beginning to realize how significantly, when the Admiral stopped firing for a moment to tap her comm. badge. "Janeway to Tuvok. Tuvok, how much longer do you need?"

"We are almost out of danger, Admiral, however a few more moments would be beneficial."

"Get everyone out, Tuvok, you will have the time that you need." She let out a soft sigh that Tom almost didn't hear with all of the noise. Admiral Janeway ducked back out from behind their cover and fired off a few shots, downing a few of the dissidents before she pulled back away from their returning fire. She rapidly began issuing orders.

Tom listened with amazement as he began to see the outline of her plan. As usual it was both brilliant and audacious, not many people would have even attempted it, but Tom was willing to bet that when it was being executed by Kathryn Janeway that it would work.

As per her orders the bulk of the Starfleet officers laid down cover fire as two members of the security team darted forward. The two officers sprayed the dissident's with fire, aiming more for quantity not quality of phaser fire as the rest of the officers pulled back. The officers began to split up in groups of two and Tom found himself once again paired with the Admiral as they skirted around the edges of the building unseen. She stopped moments later at the entrance of the building and glanced down at her chrono and then back up at their surroundings.

"Count it down, please, Tom," she asked quietly and he could here the determination and regret mingling in her voice. No one hurt Kathryn Janeway's crew, but that didn't mean that she liked harming beings. She would always prefer a peaceful solution.

Tom tensed, but kept counting aloud as the numbers on his chrono flicked down. "Five, four, three, two, one..mark." There was a pause of a split second between his last word and the sound of the large explosion. The ground trembled with the shock for a moment, throwing them off balance for a moment.

The Admiral was on her feet almost immediately already moving towards the site of the explosion. "Are you ready, Tom?"

"Of course, Admiral," he replied confidently and ducked into the building beside her. They were at the sight of the explosion in a matter of minutes, meeting with only the most minimal resistance as they worked their way towards the diversion that they had created for Tuvok.

In the end the explosion which had been set on a timer by two of the members of the security team when they had gone in separate ways had taken out the main force of the dissidents. It had been easy for the remaining members of the security team to round up the rest of the dissidents and secure them a nice spot in Voyager's brig, until the proper Iahphan authorities could be reached.

By the time Admiral Janeway returned to Voyager, several hours had passed and Tuvok and the rest of the members of the stranded negotiations team were already aboard Voyager. Tuvok, was in fact waiting for her when she disembarked from the Delta Flyer.

"Welcome back, Commander," she said warmly, tired, but glad to see her friend alive and well.

The Vulcan nodded and fell into step beside her as she headed towards the nearest turbolift to take her back to the bridge. "We brought about thirty- eight of the Iaphan dissidents aboard, Admiral," he said filling her in on the current status and goings on of the ship as they walked. "Eight of our Voyager's personnel were injured in the conflict. Only one was seriously injured. She is still in the Doctor's care, the others are relieved of duty and resting as we speak." He paused for a moment as they strode towards the turbolift, "Lieutenant Kim is working on contacting the proper authorities to take care of the prisoners. He has orders to contact you when he has reached them."

"Thank you, Tuvok," she said wearily as she entered the turbolift, "Is there anything else? Have we found out why they attacked yet," she questioned easily. "Bridge," she added almost as an after thought to the computer.

"Computer, halt turbolift. New destination: the brig." Tuvok's abrupt countermanding of her orders shocked her and as she opened her mouth to demand an explanation, Tuvok calmly said, "Admiral there is someone I think you should see in the brig."

She looked at him intently for a moment and then said, "Very well, Commander." With anyone else she would have added, "This had better be worth it," followed by an implied or else.. With Tuvok, however, she didn't resort to that. The Vulcan's behavior was out of the ordinary, but he had long since earned her trust.

He remained silent until they stepped off of the turbolift and began to walk past the imprisoned Iaphans. "Once Lieutenant Torres managed to bring the transporters back on line, the Iaphans were transported up in groups. It was not until the medical personnel were triaging the wounded Iaphans that one of them realized that a member of Voyager's crew had been helping them."

Her face froze in disbelief, she trusted her crew. Most of them in fact, had either been in the Delta Quadrant with her or were handpicked down to the lowliest crewmember. "What," she demanded coldly.

"It appears that the transporters were in truth, not disabled at all, but the readings were simply faked to look as if the transporter was unable to function. Lieutenant Torres discovered that almost before the crewmember was found."

They had stopped walking in front of one of the small cells. Tuvok standing steadily in front of her managed to block her view. "Who was it, Commander," she asked allowing the hint of anger to show in her voice. Voyager had been betrayed by members of her own crew several times during their seven year voyage in the Delta Quadrant and it was one of the few things that she refused to give a person a second chance for.

To her surprise, Tuvok evaded answering her question for a moment, "When the Doctor examined him, he was unconscious and diagnosed with a minor concussion. The Doctor has repaired the damage and he should be awake in a matter of moments."

For a moment, she thought she could see a flicker of compassion in the Vulcan's eyes and then he stepped aside allowing herself her first view of the prisoner.

"Chakotay?"

\- -

She felt her jaw drop and she whirled to face Tuvok in disbelief. If it had been anyone else she would have asked if it was a joke, a joke in very, very poor taste. But she knew it wasn't; Tuvok didn't joke.

She opened her mouth to ask Tuvok for an explanation, anything to explain why her Chakotay was in the brig. Her first response was to walk towards him. She stopped dead as she heard Tuvok say warningly, "Admiral, the force field is engaged." She looked at him sharply, but didn't comment as her attention was brought back to the man lying on the bunk as he groaned as he returned to consciousness.

"Chakotay," she said hesitantly, her thoughts in conflict. According to the best of Tuvok's knowledge, Chakotay had acted with the dissidents, but the Chakotay she knew and loved would never do anything like that.

He ignored her as he swung his legs carefully over the edge of the bunk and sat up. He leaned over for a moment and rested his head in his palm's, covering the pattern of the tattoo that Kathryn had spent hours tracing with her finger. When he straightened and rose to his feet, his eyes were filled with a look that she had never seen their before, not even when they had been separated by their ideologies and enemies by policy.

"What am I doing in here, Kathryn?" He demanded harshly, "Did you finally get tired of keeping your tamed Maquis around?"

She flinched at his verbal jabs and said formally, "Did you help the Iaphan dissident's, Captain Chakotay?"

He laughed easily and Kathryn felt a shiver run down her spine. "Captain Chakotay, is it now, Kathryn? I thought we were married." He started to say something else and took another step forward, close enough for her to see the glazed look in his eyes. Close enough that when a moment later he began to sway and without warning passed out he crashed into the still activated force field.

Immediately she snapped, "Tuvok get that force field down now." She tapped her comm. badge quickly and snapped, "Janeway to Sickbay. Medical emergency in the brig. Beam myself and Captain Chakotay to Sickbay immediately."

The next few moments passed in a whirl of confusion. She was pushed back away from Chakotay as the Doctor examined him and she tensed as she heard the worry in the Doctor's voice.

Chakotay was surrounded by a flurry of activity. The Doctor was steadily snapping out orders, calling out for different instruments and ordering that Chakotay be given varying amounts of certain medicines. She knew that demanding to know what was going on would only distract the Doctor and wouldn't help him treat Chakotay, but she grew steadily more worried as she was forced to watch, unable to do anything to help him.

She paced the sickbay without even realizing what she was doing as the Doctor continued to work frantically. She froze momentarily as Seven of Nine, entered, most likely to see the Doctor unaware of the current crisis, mused the detached portion of Kathryn's mind. She was grateful, though, when Tuvok spoke to her, sparing Kathryn the necessity of explaining what little she knew to Seven. By the time Tuvok was done explaining Kathryn was froaen in one spot as she heard the frantic flurry of activity around Chakotay's mostly inert form increase.

She felt a fleeing burst of gratefulness as the younger woman came to stand beside her without a word. Seven had come along way since her years as a Borg drone. Now she offered silent support and a kind of reassurance by simply standing with her.

The beeping of the monitors surrounding Chakotay, however, froze her blood and she paled as the flurry of activity abruptly ceased. The Doctor stood, facing away from them for a moment and then turned to face her.

Not quite managing to look her in the eye, he said quietly, "Admiral Janeway, I regret to inform you of the death of Captain Chakotay."


	3. Chapter 3

"Admiral Janeway, I regret to inform you of the death of Captain Chakotay."

It was a sentence that Kathryn Janeway had heard in her nightmares for years, but had never truly imagined would happen. She stood, frozen and silent for a long moment before she walked unseeingly past the Doctor. When she reached Chakotay's side, she almost called the Doctor a liar.

His handsome face was unmarred and he looked the same as he had a hundred times before in their married life, as if he were sleeping and not...Her mind froze and shied away at the thought. A tear slid down her cheek as she ran her fingers over the features she had loved so much. She leaned over and kissed Chakotay gently on the lips.

The Sickbay doors hissed loudly open and Tom Paris strode calmly in. "Admiral," he said loudly wearing his usual cheery smile.

She didn't acknowledge Tom or Seven, as the former drone pulled him aside to gently break the news to him, showing more perception and humanity than many people would have given her credit for.

Kathryn was a scientist at heart and she had only begun to share some of Chakotay's deep rooted spirituality. She stared at the man who had been her first officer, her best friend and her husband and said for the last time the words that had defined so much of the last decade of her life. "I love you, Chakotay."

With an incredible force of will she tore her eyes away from his inert form. Head bowed and partially obscured from view, she only looked up once, pinning the Doctor with her gaze.

"Admiral," he spoke up quietly, but stopped immediately as she raised her hand as if to ward off his comment and demand his silence.

"Find out what happened to him, Doctor." Without making eye contact or speaking to anyone else, she slipped out of Sickbay, leaving the people behind her frozen, in her wake.

Heaving a sigh that he didn't need, the Doctor was the first to move. Slowly, he walked back towards his assistants. There were details that had to be attended to now, even beyond the Admiral's orders. She was after all, in no condition to be taking care of them herself. The Admiral was a woman of strong emotions. Most of the time that benefited her greatly, at this moment, though, it would be hurting her greatly.

He watched silently, trying to be invisible as Tom awkwardly approached Chakotay. The lieutenant stared at him, almost in disbelief, for a long minute. Finally he whispered so quietly that only the Doctor's enhanced senses could have heard it, "I wasn't always one of your fans, Big Guy, but I owe you so much. I wouldn't have made it back to the Alpha quadrant if you hadn't done everything that you did for me."

Even the Doctor, who had watched Tom change and grow as a person, was surprised at him. Tom Paris had certainly grown since he had come aboard Voyager as an angry young man, and a traitor who Janeway had been forced to physically separate from Chakotay during their first confrontation.

"I'll watch out for B'Elanna," he added, his voice now sounding tight, as if he were holding back tears. "She won't take this well, Chakotay. She's going to be so mad at you." He turned away sharply and exited Sickbay with the thud of booted feet. The news that he had to deliver to his wife now was not good and it would not be pleasant.

Seven stepped toward him now, from where she had been unobtrusively standing. She came to stand beside the Doctor and looked down on the man who had at one time claimed a piece of her heart. Without a word, she leaned over a placed a gentle kiss on his forehead.

"These circumstances are as Admiral Janeway pointed out, of an unnatural nature, yet the emotional ramifications are no different." Several silent tears slid down her cheek, but unlike a regular woman she made no move to stop her tears. At last she said, her tone matter of fact as ever but not without a strong edge of grief, "It is right to grieve for a friend who will be so dearly missed."

=================================================================

She was numb, nothingness personified. It was slowly killing her, certainly to slow for her tastes. It would all be all right if they would just LEAVE HER ALONE. It was the only thing that roused any passion in her these days, her desire to be left alone. The only oblivion she could find or accept anymore was that of sleep, the golden oblivion of dreams where Chakotay was still alive, where Chakotay could still hold her in his arms and kiss her and seem to make the universe fall away from them. She had been strong, confident and unstoppable, but he had been her foundation and her anchor.

She could stand without him. After all she had done that for all of the years of her life before she met him, but the truth was, she simply didn't want to. For the first time in her life Kathryn Janeway didn't care. She no longer fought, strived and put every ounce of her strength into righting the galaxies wrongs because for her there was no reason to.

She groaned and buried her head underneath her pillow, seeking to block the sound of Tuvok's steady knocking or Tom's respectful pleading out, and snuggle her face down into the pillow underneath it, Chakotay's pillow. His scent still lingered in the fabric and like a highly addictive drug it was the only thing that could offer her even marginal comfort and put her into the dream filled sleep that she craved.

Kathryn had almost succeeded in gaining the poor substitute for what she had dearly wanted when it was ripped from her, literally. With surprising force, the pillows were ripped away from her and the room was filled with blinding light. She didn't even scream with rage as she might once have. She simply rolled away from the light and threw an arm up to cover her face.

"No," the word wasn't defiant, but clear and firm. "You won't do this. You're too afraid to even try to go on living."

The covers of the bed were ripped roughly away from her. Those words had always been one of the easiest ways to get to Kathryn Janeway. Telling her not to do something or that it was impossible was the quickest and surest way to ensure that she would do just that. Some small part of her, the part that had been dying more everyday since He died responded to that calm ultimatum with anger. She rose to face her persecutor and forcefully drive them out of their-her, quarters if necessary and barely made it to a standing position before she was headed back towards the floor.

A pair of strong hands caught her before she hit and lowered her gently to a sitting position, leaning against her bed. Still almost blinded by the light, she squinted her eyes closed and hoped that whoever it was would disappear.

"Here," the voice had returned and as Kathryn's vision cleared she saw a mug of steaming coffee coming towards her. The cup was warm against her skin as B'Elanna pressed it gently to her hand. As B'Elanna let go, she almost dropped it from lack of strength, but didn't bother to yelp in pain as it burned her skin.

B'Elanna was there a moment later, wiping the hot liquid away. "Sorry about that, Admiral," she said respectfully and then guided the cup to her commanding officer's lips and let her take a few small uninterested sips, before she lowered it again. "The crew's worried about you," she said, lowering herself to the floor beside her Admiral. "You haven't left your quarters in two weeks."

Kathryn looked at her hazily, tying to muster the anger and determination to Death Glare B'Elanna out of her room. B'Elanna didn't even flinch. She had every respect for the Admiral, but she refused to be intimidated by her now. "Tuvock's been running the ship, but the crew needs to see you. They just lost their Captain and for a lot of Voyager's original combined crew, their friend and confidant for the past eight years."

She looked over at B'Elanna and this time she saw the determination in B'Elanna's eyes falter as she saw the complete lack of interest in the Admiral's eyes. "So you're saying that you want me to put the good of my crew first."

"Yes. I am. Admiral for seven years you were the determination, the strength, the will and the heart that carried this ship towards home, but Chakotay was the soul of Voyager."

Kathryn looked as if she hadn't heard a word that B'Elanna had said. She stared through her, instead, seeing something, or more importantly someone else. "And I spent those same seven years, totally mindlessly dedicated to my crew. My mindless devotion, putting what I thought was best for my crew before me, it was seven precious years that Chakotay and I could have had together."

B'Elanna looked down. There was no denying at least the partial truth of the Admiral's words. "Admiral," she started slowly, "I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. I don't even want to think about something like this happening to Tom, but you should know that you have the support of your entire crew." She pushed herself to her feet and started toward the door. She paused and turned back to face her commanding officer. "I thought you might want to know that the Doctor has information about what happened to Chakotay."

For a moment B'Elanna felt a flicker of hope as she saw a look of interest touch the Admiral's eyes, but it was destroyed when she said blandly, "Dismissed, Lieutenant."

======================================================================

After B'Elanna left it was almost an hour before she could bring herself to move. The coffee had turned cold in her hand and she weaved slightly on her feet as she stood. Simply getting to her feet had been a major accomplishment, but now she had to make a choice, probably one of the hardest choices of her life. It would be so easy to give in right now, to let go and fall back onto the bed, to seek the comfortable haven it represented. After all, if the reality wasn't possible, surely the illusion was just as good. In that moment she almost gave in. Her balance betrayed her and she started to list towards the bed.

Just before she fell she caught herself at the last instant, catching site of a picture on a dresser across the room. Chakotay smiled back at her from the photo with an arm wrapped around her in the picture. It was a fairly recent shot of them that had been taken at a formal reception, but for once she had dispensed with the formality that they typically showed one another in public. The photographer had captured them in rare unguarded moment and she had treasured the photo since then. For a moment she felt a surge of happiness, but it was quickly followed by a wave of gut wrenching grief.

Something about Chakotay in the photo, though reminded her of the way he had always seemed to give her strength and support, despite whatever situation they were in at the time. She gave her head a minute shake and then took a resolute if slow step away from the bed and towards the shower. It was the harder of her two choices and she had almost given up, but something in her still refused to give in. Once again Chakotay had inspired her to continue even if it was without resolutely pushed that thought away and concentrated on getting her weakened body to functioning strength.

Two hours later, after a shower, a clean uniform and a decent meal, Kathryn almost felt normal again, as long as she ignored the constant pressing weight of grief that was always haunting her thoughts, ready to leap back to the forefront of her thoughts. She took a deep breath as she stood in front of the door. She let it out quickly and with the next breath, Admiral Janeway returned.

She was no longer a grieving woman, she was a Starfleet Admiral with all of the authority and confidence that position implied. She stepped through the door and walked steadily down the corridor. She even managed nods of acknowledgement for the few passing crewmen. Her face was like stone as she stepped into the turbolift. She didn't relax or even shift impatiently as she requested deck five. She stepped out of the turbolift and walked evenly towards her destination.

Without a hint of hesitation or at least any that anyone on Voyager would be capable of recognizing, she stepped forward. The doors hissed open and she strode over into Sickbay. She forced herself not to look over at the biobed where she had last seen Chakotay or to show the exhaustion she was suddenly feeling, even after such a short walk. Summoning the determination of will that had first made her a Captain and now an Admiral, she forced herself not to give in to her exhaustion.

"Doctor," she called out in a firm voice. Usually she would have taken the effort to find him, but today, she wasn't sure that she could have at the moment.

"Admiral," the Doctor appeared almost instantly in his office doorway. Most people would have said that the hologram couldn't truly feel emotion much less display them, but she could see so much in his eyes. She saw his grief, but she also saw the brief spark of joy in his eyes. No doubt he was relieved that she seemed to be better. "B'Elanna said that you had the report I had asked for," she queried him.

She could hardly believe the sound of her own voice. It was distant and impersonal. If an unknowing person had walked past they would have assumed that she was asking for something innocuous like the monthly Sickbay readiness evaluation, not the results of the investigation into her husband, a man who had been dead for less than two weeks.

The Doctor's face was instantly serious. He glanced around Sickbay and then said quietly, "The report is in my office." It was probably the first time since the Doctor's program had been running that he hadn't immediately volunteered information or bombarded her with his brilliant discoveries on whatever the subject was the moment she walked into Sickbay.

She followed him into his office and steadily accepted the datapad he handed her. She held it in her hand for a moment before she could bring herself to look at it. She stared blankly at the PADD for a moment. Normally she would have scanned through it quickly and saved the minute details for later. She didn't though. She didn't think she could bear to read about him as a cold impersonal fact, or hear Chakotay referred to as "the subject."

Carefully as if she might break something unseen but incredibly fragile, she sat the PADD down on his desk. "Why don't you tell me what that says, Doctor."

The Doctor looked almost hesitant for a moment and slightly reluctant to begin to speak. "Captain Chakotay's condition was not a result of natural causes." He started slowly.

"What?" she exclaimed. If this was a result of foul play or an attack of some kind...It wasn't something she had thought of yet and the possibility that more people, more of her crew could be in danger from this, whatever this was, hadn't occurred to her until now.

If she found out something or someone was responsible for Chakotay's death, they would pay. She would see to it.

"Admiral," the Doctor's voice cut into her thoughts. He seemed to be about to ask her if she was all right, but stopped himself. Perhaps her realized the absurdity of the question or maybe he was afraid of her answer, either way he said carefully, "Are you ready for the rest of my report?"

Not trusting what she would say if she opened her mouth, she nodded. The Doctor immediately took up his report. "After hearing several reports of the Captain's unusual behavior previously in that day, I suspected that something else was behind his condition." Despite the identity of the victim the Doctor's voice seemed to grow more and more enthused as he spoke. He was, she reminded herself, after all a medical hologram at his core, solving medical problems was what her did best, what he was programmed for. "My first routine scans didn't show anything out of the ordinary, but then I began to systematically run all scans.."

"Doctor," she cut in raising a hand. She wasn't interested in all of the technical how's and why's, "The point," she reminded him firmly. He nodded and she could almost see him switch mental gears. He moved over to the nearest console, punching in a series of keys. He stepped back just a second later.

"Do you recognize this, Admiral?" He asked momentarily.

She glanced at the image on the screen, expecting the Doctor's question to be rhetorical and almost flinched when she looked at it. She did recognize it. It was an image she had seen, blown up on a screen like this far too many times in the past decade. An enlarged image of a basic Borg nanoprobe was an all too familiar sight. Controlling her instinctive reaction was harder than it should have been in her current emotional state, but she still managed it with an ease that most people couldn't have commanded.

She appeared to study it for a moment longer before she turned her gaze back up to the expectant Doctor. "What does this have to do with Ch-the Captain?" She stumbled over his name, finally settling on the more formal Captain.

The Doctor seemed taken a back for a moment, as if suddenly realizing that he had gotten ahead of himself. "I found these in Captain Chakotay's blood." The Admiral met his eyes sharply, "Chakotay was being assimilated?" The question was out of her mouth almost before she knew it. "Doctor are you saying that there are Borg here," she was already rising to her feet, her hand over her comm. badge, ready to march to the bridge.

"Admiral," he said quickly, "This isn't a new infection." That halted her immediately. "As far as I know, Admiral, there are no Borg down on the Iapha or here on Voyager. Based on my estimation, Captain Chakotay was infected by the nanoprobes, slightly more than a decade ago."

For the moment at least, her grief had been pushed to the back of her mind. It was a constant that she couldn't and almost didn't want to escape. Right now, she was puzzled by what the Doctor had said. Usually after a person was infected with Borg nanoprobes, it took less than a minute for signs of Borg technology to appear. She should know, she thought with an edge of ironic bitterness. It seemed impossible that Borg nanoprobes could have lasted for ten years in Chakotay's bloodstream without even the slightest hint of their existence being seen, or the Doctor detecting them for that matter. Chakotay, like everyone else had been subjected to routine physicals.

"Explain," she said curtly, not caring that she had been sharper with the Doctor than she should have.

"I was uncertain when I saw those," the Doctor admitted, "Even in all of my vast knowledge and experience, I'd never heard of Borg nanoprobes like those lasting so long. So I asked Seven of Nine to assist me." He paused, cocking his head slightly to the side, "The results of our scans were puzzling to her as well. It appears that the nanoprobes were modified from their original form."

"Modified," she questioned him intently, "Some non-Borg species..." She paused for a second waiting to see if the first part of her speculation was correct. He nodded, "Modified Borg nanoprobes." She considered that. "How were the nanoprobes modified?"

The Doctor's face fell slightly and he said gravely, "They would have only been activated when their host was in certain environments. The nanoprobes affected several different functions within the body, but all of them would have resulted in a severe change of attitude or personality on Captain Chakotay's part."

This time she couldn't stifle a gasp. She was a Starfleet Admiral, but she was also a wife. She swallowed and looked back down at the magnified image. "Did Seven have any thoughts on who could have modified those nanoprobes and infected Captain Chakotay with them?"

Now it was the Doctor's turn to assume a puzzled expression. He nodded, "Yes, Ma'am, she seemed surprised by what she found, but she was also adamant about not telling me. She informed me that the knowledge was classified and asked me not to show it to anyone but you."

Kathryn almost growled in frustration. Chakotay was dead, she didn't care about petty obstacles. "Janeway to Seven of Nine," she said, tapping her comm. link a moment before.

"Yes, Admiral," Seven replied almost instantaneously.

Now it was the Admiral's turn to pause, despite her frustration, she chose her words with care. "You consulted the Doctor about a matter he was working on and he said that you would have the rest of the report for me. Could you join us in Sickbay?" It might have been couched in the form of a request, but it was without a doubt, an order.

"I'm on my way, Admiral," Seven responded easily, sounding unperturbed as some of rest of the crew might have. "Seven of Nine out."

Ten minutes had passed by the time that Seven reached Sickbay. If she was in better health, Kathryn would have spent that time pacing, but she wasn't sure her body could sustain her nervous energy and she certainly didn't want to pass out in front of the Doctor.

Once Seven approached them, the Admiral watched her expectantly. Seven acknowledged her quietly, "Admrial," she shot an almost apologetic look at the Doctor, that years or even a few months ago would have surprised Kathryn, coming from Seven. Now, though she had gotten used to the new freer emotions that Seven showed around the Doctor.

"Doctor, if I could have a private word with the Admiral?" She asked formally.

The Doctor, though clearly not happy, nodded. "I'll be glowering at incompetent ensigns," he said testily as he exited.

The two women watched him walk away and then Kathrny turned to Seven. "The Doctor said you thought you might know who was responsible for modifying and planting the nanoprobes?"

Seven nodded. "That is correct. I have only seen technology modified in a similar manner once before. Admiral, I believe that Section 31 was responsible for this."


End file.
